Category: What I have learnt

Dr Suess said correctly: “From there to here, and here to there funny things are everywhere”. But do we see the humor and acknowledge it? Do we keep our eyes and hearts open and understand the “dark” side? OR do we shy away from fun and  laughter? and feel it has low importance in our day-to- day living?

Think about it.

Whether it is movies or books: the tragedies walk away with glory; the comedies never get their due. Even look at authors…the comedy writers actually have a difficult task on their hands. Thinking of situations and dialogues which will bring out the juxtapositions and ironies of life and people, the element of surprise and suspense, the unexpected happenings : all of which give rise to a chuckle  or a smile from the reader or observer: a very difficult task indeed. But Literature and Drama recounts the tragedies as the greatest productions, which get remembered the most!!

Even in corporate lives we are forced to remain staid. No exuberance. Don’t show the joi de vivre. Business is serious stuff. Don’t smile too much….and never, but never laugh aloud. In the corridors of power and upper echelons of management, humor is looked down on as a dilution of the sanctimony of business. It seems like the lofty goals and objectives of the corporate world must be achieved with a serious demeanor. If you have a frown on your face and a “no nonsense” hard nose expression, you will be more respected and your efforts applauded more. Literally you should not giggle or laugh your way to the ‘Finish’ line: as you need to project the sheer dint of effort and seriousness of purpose to commemorate the achievement. Higher the success achieved more seriously must you project the struggle of reaching the goal. As if…if you laugh as you cross the end line, you are undermining the success itself!

Contrast this with the king of comedy Charlie Chaplin pronouncement: “A day without laughter is a day wasted”. On an individual plane, we all understand this truth. We want to be happy and smiling and laughing in our personal and familial lives. We enjoy company of those who make us laugh. We do not want to be around people who mope and crib all the time : they suck out even our energy. And yet we do not value those who make us laugh. We admire the “dark arts” but the proverbial Joker is considered lowest on the totem pole of society.

Are we afraid of the sarcasm side of humor? the loose comment which actually is an insidious cannon aimed at flattening the listener? We all know people who use humor as a defense, a wall to keep others out or to protect their own brittle egos. In such cases humor loses it’s innocence. It uses guile, an artful deception, duplicity to project friendliness but actually hurt and harm the other person. Truly it is not such humor which brings joy and smiles. Such a person is not actually funny. They are just being mean and trying to fool their audience by hiding behind their “joke”! Erma Bombeck noted correctly: ” there is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt”.

In another perspective, Will Rogers reminds us : “Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else”. Unfortunately, often we get so immersed and involved in the story and it’s developments, that we fail to retain a sense of objectivity. We invest  heavily in our own position; or in the opposition of someone else’s position that it becomes a “do or die” situation. Naturally we cannot see the humor in the situation. We have gone so close to the problem that it’s tentacles have enmeshed us: making us apart of the problem and depriving us of the “outsider” view which would have shown us the ridiculousness of our position and thus enabled us to escape it’s grasp and think of an easy solution. Taking oneself seriously is possibly the biggest dis-service you can do to yourself.

My 35+ years corporate experience convinced me that we do not laugh enough in the office space. Most laughter is contrived: like when the Boss or the Super Boss makes a joke and I have to laugh the loudest to provide evidence of my great sense of humor.And even as I laugh I am looking at the Boss to see if he is seeing that I am laughing at his pathetic asides!! Equality and camaraderie, which are sine qua non for humor to flower, are conspicuous by their absence in corporate boardrooms.

So where  does it hurt? In my opinion, humor has great potential and great power. It equalizes social and corporate power distances. It can be the oil and grease which  smoothens relationships.  It is a door opener: allowing easy entry into conversations and issues. When tempers are running high and positions are taken, humor can change equations and open closed minds. It brings much required levity to unnecessarily serious situations and people. It is a simple and readily available solution applicable in most distraught conditions and with the most difficult people. It has fantabulous stress busting capabilities. It is an sure charmer which endears you to the audience making you the soul of the party. In case any reader wants to understand more benefits of humor in social interactions I would welcome you to read anything by Oscar Wilde and/or PG Wodehouse and feel the calming effect and innate charm of humor in their own hearts.

Life has taught me to be a continuous learner. I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5 or 6 times: just to be sure!!!

Hoping you learn to laugh at yourself:  joker vikas

After all, what is right?

This question, seemingly simple, is a most complex one to unravel. And as we attempt to answer it: we are dragged further and further into the conundrum; from which many times there is no escape, no clear answer. At the most, we can compromise at some level, decide for ourselves : enough is enough –  and beat a hasty retreat. All the while convincing oneself that if we survive, we will live to fight another day: and find the “real answer; the absolute truth; what is actually right – on that other day!!!

Take the recent case of Sridevi’s death in Dubai. Morning shock  as she was loved by many cinegoers. First we hear that she died of a cardiac arrest. The press reports are full of surprise : she had no history of any cardiac problems! But  Doctors had opined …they have to be right? Soon comes the version of 29 surgeries in California; Botox injections galore; diet and hunger suppressants; medications to alter BMR;  so much torture to make the body beautiful, that the heart could not sustain and gave up. Within hours the reality changes: a new death certificate from Dubai does the rounds of social media where death is due to “drawing(sic!)” – all official; signed by the Physician in charge. And then :  drowning in bathtub is not the real culprit. Drink abuse. Husband should have stopped her. People suspect foul play.

Even when the body was brought back there was an eruption on the social media: after all she was just a performer; made money from acting; no known social commitments: does she deserve a State funeral? Are we demeaning the national flag which is wrapped around bodies of soldiers who die for the country? What is logic of wrapping this actor’s body in the tri-color? Again someone decided based on how they saw the situation. Some others object, as their interpretations vary. What is real? what is correct?

As observers,  relying on social media and reflected “reality”, we are confused. What happened actually? what is right? This is true of the Nirbhaya episode. Of the Ryan school killing. Ayushi Talwar’s murder. The infamous Tandoor Murder case with Youth Congress President Sushil Sharma’s involvement. Remember: No one killed Jessica? In a crowded restaurant, she is shot in front of hundreds: but prosecution eye witnesses turn hostile, one after the other. Manu Sharma is acquitted as the Sessions court concludes there is no evidence!! After public uproar, High Court hears the appeal and then Haryana Congress leader’s son is finally sentenced. But Manu Sharma still approaches Supreme Court as …no one killed Jessica!!!!

These are all high profile cases, but think about day to day issues also. Do we ever get a proper handle on “reality”? Do we get clarity on what actually transpired? We have all witnessed road accidents, and heard the multiple versions of who did what, when, how and finally what happened. Even when a smallest altercation takes place between 2 people: if you listen to their independent versions, you will end up with 2 totally contrasting perspectives. Think of the frequent arguments between spouses: does either ever feel I am wrong? ( We may say so just for buying peace temporarily,  but do we believe fundamentally that I was wrong?)  It is always ” But then you…”  “And then I ….” All sound and fury which never seems to converge! The differing views of the “reality” are so entrenched that it is impossible to judge who is right? what is real? and who has propriety on their side.

In business organizations today we actually encourage different points of view and call for groups/boards to discuss and decide the course of action. The underlying faith is that differing points of view and perspectives being brought to bear on an ambiguous situation will reduce the uncertainty of a futuristic decision. But the very process of discussing: does it not presuppose differing realities with each person;  and, a social reality we all must create jointly? Do we launch a new soap in an crowded market? Will this flavor of a new cream biscuit be accepted by the consumer? Will whole wheat noodles appeal as a more healthy alternative?  What is the strategy to win against competition? All complex realities with no clear cut right and wrong answers. And so we bring in cross functional teams, with their multi functional perspectives and try to understand what is the “real” way out? what will work? what should be the answer? what new reality do we want to pitch for and champion?  Finally the game is about defining what is THE right way ahead.

Ask any Muslim Jehadi or a Tamil suicide bomber and they will aver what they are doing is right. Others may have a different perspective on this but then, that is “their” reality. When marketing spends are approved and a particular advertising is launched, there is faith is that it will work and generate customer pull for the brand. Reality , like market share or consumer voice, gets monitored and validated!!!

I believe the mistake we make is in searching for a single rule, a single tenet, a single principle: an absolute reality. As children we believed and behaved as though everything fell into right or wrong: black or white. As we mature we understand that all things don’t fit neatly into such boxes or labels. Most things in the world are not black. Most things in the world are not white.  Living and learning should teach us the new reality:  most things aren’t wrong or right. They are just different. Maturity is knowing that there is nothing wrong with different. We can let things be different, we don’t have to try and make them black or white, we can just let them be…..

My conclusion is best captured  by Joybell C author of The Sun is Snowing  (Sic! read the title again) “And when I was a child, I thought that God was the God who only saw black and white. Now that I am no longer a child, I can see, that God is the God who can see the black and the white and the grey, too, and He dances on the grey! Grey is okay.”

It is fine- Live your own right: vikas

As children we all have enjoyed the game ” Truth OR Dare?”. What always intrigued me, in that game, was the underlying assumption that speaking the truth was something fraught with risk, full of tension and…to be avoided as far as possible!!!! Why has Truth acquired this persona? Am sure Goddess Veritas is not amused by the way we look at truth today!!

St Augustine had roared “Truth is like a lion. You don’t have to defend it. It will defend itself”.  But even here you will notice the imagery is negative…as though speaking the truth is a problem. Literally it begets the question: Can you handle the Truth? Myth has it that the goddess of Truth Veritas hid at the bottom of a sacred well as she was so elusive!!

All this is a far cry from the shining demeanor that Truth is clothed in romantically, and in literature. Common opinion projects that nothing can be purer than truth and truth can stand on it’s own, despite any opposition.  When Thomas asked Jesus’ We do not know where you are going? How can we know the way? Jesus replies ” Via et veritas et vita I am the way, and the truth, and the life : no one comes to the Father except through me”  (John 14:6). Truth is ascribed much power in the Good Book (John 8:32) : ” Then you will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free”.  Goethe affirms ” Wisdom is found only in Truth“.

Why then in today’s time has Truth  lost it’s shining glory? Is it because your truth and my truth may not be the same? In this age of duality and plurality have we lost the path? Has Truth suffered in the vedantic debates of Dvaitism and Advaitism? Buddha was clear when he affirmed that “3 things cannot be hidden: the sun, the moon, and the Truth” But if you just look around and follow the strident arguments taking place around you, you are tempted to ask the question: What is Truth? Who “owns” it? can anyone speak the truth; the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Why are there so many cases in the courts where both parties feel equally strongly that the Truth is on their side; and on their side alone? Did the lower courts not interpret and understand Truth in delivering their judgement? If they did: why are so many appeal Courts overturning the lower courts’ pronouncements: which in turn are challenged upto the Full Bench in a Supreme Court? and even there, there are dissenting judgments and opinions amongst the Full Bench!!! so who is right? who knows the truth?

Says Swami Vivekananda, “Truth can be stated in a thousand different ways, yet each one can be true”.  Is this making life simpler or more difficult? I had read somewhere every great truth is a truth, whose exact opposite is also a truth!!!! So where does that leave simple folks like us who are trying to find a golden path through life’s complex questions? Oscar Wilde cautions “Truth is rarely pure and never simple”. Begging to differ from Saint John ( 8:32 quoted above) I would say that the Truth will set you free; but it will first piss you off!!!

For evidence I will parade all the arguments I have been a part of, where both parties, albeit speaking in stark contradiction, believed that Truth is on their side. On a wider scale, look at the Holy Wars, debates between Shias and Sunnis, Netaji Bose’s action agenda v/s Gandhi’s nonviolence; Jawaharlal Nehru and Mohammed Ali Jinnah, in modern times Israel and the Arab world, Netscape with it’s open source and Microsoft’s competitive dominance or the latest debates between Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg. Every area of human endeavor gives examples of opposite “armies”  righteously believing Truth is on their side. And in today’s daily Kurushetra, we miss an expert, a chatbot Krishna who can interpret and guide us on the way forward.

The dilemma of modern living is that were  Krishna to appear, his second act would be to disappear!! … and leave you to figure a way out of the conundrum, yourself! If you find the Buddha on the road, KILL HIM!!! We will do well to heed Alfred Whitefield’s advice ” There are no whole truths: All truths are half truths”. To which I will add my word of caution: & you may have got the WRONG HALF!!!!

Don’t get me wrong. Like you, I am also brought up on the dictum: Truth is a truth even if no one believes it; a lie, is a lie, even if everyone believes it. Truth is like a surgery: yes it hurts; but it cures. Truth is visceral. It is there. Dogen said it so well “If you are unable to find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?” Better to be hurt with the truth rater than be comforted with a lie. My team members were always told to tell me the bad news first. No mollycoddling or sugar coating. Say it like it is. Tell me all and let me make sense of how badly we are mauled and how we will recover our position. Better to fight with eyes open knowing your sword is broken rather than getting surprises in action. Truth has a way of catching up with you. So like the Scout motto: Be prepared!!

I will end with a deep personal insight of the iconic Marilyn Monroe. She said” I am selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control and, at times, hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best”. Instead of Marilyn, it might as well be Truth telling us this. Yes, Truth is hard to handle! Truth pushes you no end!! Beats you blue. And leaves you gasping!!! Yet I deserve the best. And, despite all the discomfort, I vote for Truth. Always.

Let Truth alone  prevail : vikas

“Come with me, where dreams are born, and time is never planned” sang Peter Pan. I was taken on this magical journey with the casual visit of my niece with her 2 daughters.  And the photoblog of my dear friend Vivek ( http://www.vivekvsp.com) which begins with a bewitching photo of his granddaughter: a black-and-white invite into the color-filled world of children.

Children around us are indeed an enchanting return to a world where all is bright and beautiful, birdsong is perpetual, everything is possible and curiosity  & wonder know no end.

When I was a child, I wanted to grow older. But, this shit was not what I expected…. Disappointment galore!!!!  So now, all the time, one wonders whether regression is really bad? is there a return path? can we go back? Back to the excitement, the wondering and the staring? Indeed I realize my desire to grow up was misplaced as WH Davies sang long  ago:

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.
…No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

And  so “stop the world and let me off…I am tired of going round and round”. the only reprieve we “who have played the game and lost”  will now get, is the time we are privileged to spend with kids, around them,  playing with them,  seeing the world through their eyes full of curiosity and wonder. But everything is a ceremony and a celebration, in the Eden garden of childhood. Tom Stoppard captured it well, when he wrote: ” If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older”.

For the GenX who believe posting things on Tumblr and Instagram is more important than actually living the moment, a word of caution: most of our childhood is stored not in  photographs. Rather it lives in sights and smells. In the scent of biscuits and cupcakes that you so lovingly imbibed : even as you crossed the friendly neighborhood bakery, on the way back from school!! Childhood lies in the smell of your mother’s saree which filled your nostrils when you rushed to hug her when you returned home; the smell which still lingers and reminds you of the safest place in the universe!!! Childhood is entrapped in the early morning light when you woke up and crept into the living room to have a cuppa with your parents : pretending you liked without sugar tea as you wanted to show how grown up you were, just like your parents who had tea without sugar !!  Childhood lies in the thick curtains you experienced on your first holiday at a posh hotel; in the lovely sunsets you saw with family at the hill station; and even in the smell of petrol and engine oil when the car broke down in wilderness and your father gamely tried his hand at repairing the car, to take his precious family to a safer haven before nightfall. Indeed childhood, and the associated memories,  make you richer than Plutus and happier than Happiness itself.

Paulo Coelho avers : ” A child can teach an adult 3 things: to be happy for no reason, to always be curious and to fight tirelessly for something”. Were we to assimilate these 3 values and live by them, I am sure not only would we be happier but also  make the world a better place for all whom we come in contact with.  From my grandchildren I have learnt the importance of living fully and living well, of sharing and caring without fear or favor, the joy of giving and taking pleasure in another’s joy and success.

Imagine a corporate world where we lived by these principles:  which the children in our lives can so easily teach and demonstrate to us. Imagine being happy and satisfied with our lot and not feeling jealous of what others have or receive. Imagine standing up and  taking responsibility, volunteering for work assignments as they give us joy of expression and proving our capabilities. Imagine doing things without being afraid of being laughed at or singled out for ridicule. Imagine stretching ourselves continuously because we enjoy contributing with all our might. Imagine the whole organization applauding whenever there is an achievement which adds value to the company.  Imagine doing what is right and doing it with full confidence. Imagine “Sharing Caring and Joy” define organizational culture. Where Win-Win thinking is practiced by all with full gusto. Can we imagine and help create such a corporation?

Our inspiration will come from children. They live freely and positively all their lives. Now we who have “grown up” ( or should I say “grown down” and “grown in” ) have simply to learn and practice a new religion: Be the one you needed when you were younger. The inspiration and the way forward lies with the young. Can we became children all over again? in spirit and demeanor,  if not in in age? Can we attack every challenge with a “never say die” spirit? Can we be all conquering? Can we keep smiling when we win;  and more importantly, when others win? Can we leave behind our narrow sense of self and be all encompassing through joys and tribulations, through failures and challenges? In sum, (as Hugh Prather, Notes to Myself says )  “can we just be, instead of being for” ?

I end with Poet laureate Wordsworth’s words

My heart leaps up when I behold
A rainbow in the sky:
So was it when my life began;
So is it now I am a man;
So be it when I shall grow old,
Or let me die!
The Child is the father of the Man;
And I could wish my days to be
Bound each to each by natural piety.

Gargee, my grandchild, teach me your innocence and love: vikas

John Steinbeck, in his typical profound manner, tells us: ” the Hebrew word timshel—‘Thou mayest’— that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open. That throws it right back on a man. For if ‘Thou mayest’—it is also true that ‘Thou mayest not’.” (emphasis added). How well this captures the entire journey of our life!! It is always a struggle between “thou mayest” and “thou mayest not” and the final choice that we make in a given circumstance. Truly the choices that we make, make us!!!

Imagine that fateful day, when young Narendra decided that he must meet someone who has “met God” and was in search of such a Guru. On reaching Dakshineshwar he asked  “Have you seen or experienced God?”. The fateful reply of Ramakrishna,”Yes, I have seen God. I see Him as I see you here, only more clearly. God can be seen. … If one cries sincerely for God, one can surely see Him.”. Bewildered and puzzled, Narendra returned to Calcutta, but  was convinced the words sprung from deep inner experiences. So he returned to meet Ramakrishna again and again; till he was transformed into Swami Vivekanada. Advaita Vedantism owes a great debt to that fateful meeting and of course to Vivekananda’s decision to go to the Parliament of World’s Religions at Chicago in 1893. His speech there ” Sisters and Brothers of America, It fills my heart with joy unspeakable to rise…” changed the course of seeing Hinduism as the religion of true tolerance and universal acceptance.

Or take the case of Gandhi. When travelling to Pretoria, with a legitimate First Class ticket, he was thrown off the train on the instigation of a white man. Instead of fleeing the scene, Gandhi stayed back for 21 years to fight for Indians in Africa. Gandhi’s travails at Pietermaritzburg railway station was akin to a second birth.  It was said: “When Gandhi was evicted from the train, an Indian visiting South Africa fell but when Gandhi rose, an Indian South African rose.” The aborted train journey finally took Gandhi far beyond Pretoria!! His concepts of peaceful resistance were born from his choice of not accepting injustice. This in turn would shape his entire Nonviolence and Satyagraha philosophy which gave India its freedom from the British; while till then “Sun never set on the British Empire” The first blow to that superstructure was in Peitermaritzburg;  finding its resonance in the birth of India, Pakistan, Australia,  Kenya,  and so many other countries’ independence. (Sotto voce: we must locate and thank the white man who objected to Gandhi’s presence in the train compartment!!) General Smuts put it well:”men like Mahatma Gandhi redeem us from a sense of commonplace and futility and are an inspiration to us not to weary in well doing”. Truly, to do or not to do:  it is our choice!!!

Jawaharlal Nehru’s approach on Article 370 and  J&K; his actions and decisions in the China War in 1962 were bereft of his genial Chacha Nehru lover of children and roses image.  His choices at that time shape our present day actions vis-a-vis J&K as well as China.

Indira Gandhi’s Declaration of Emergency in 1975 gives many great examples of choices altering the course of history. The split of the hoary Congress that Indira engineered in 1969 – Congress(O) and Congress(R) – were the beginning of her megalomania. Riding on the back of populist measures like Nationalisation of Banks & Abolition of Privy Purses, Indira got a catchy slogan of Garibi Hatao to pilot a thumping majority in Parliament in 1971 elections. This fueled her greed for power even more. Newly anointed with Bharat Ratna, Indira won a war against Pakistan, freeing Bangla Desh. She started dominating the judiciary after the Kesavanada Bharti case and cases against the 24th Amendment not going her preferred way. Challenges began with Nav Nirman movement in Gujarat and agitation of Bihar Chhatra Sangharsh Samiti under the leadership of Jaiprakash Narayan(JP).  Ignoring the assassination of Railway Minister LN Mishra or the ruthless suppression of the Railway Strike by Indira only showed her decisions/choices progressively becoming undemocratic and totalitarian. The final straw was the Allahabad High Court decision finding her guilty of misusing governmental machinery in her campaigning, declaring her election null and void, unseating her from the Lok Sabha. When the Supreme Court also upheld the HC decision, strikes swept the country in trade, students and government unions. Indira’s choice and decision was to get a compliant President sign on a Proclamation of Emergency.

Even a simple recounting of these events shows the number of fork points and decisions ingrained in the choices made by all actors in this drama. We can  conjecture many, many “what-if” scenarios. There will be no definitive answers to questions like what-if Raj Narain had not challenged her election; what-if the HC judge had not ruled against Indira; what-if SC had overturned the HC decision; what-if JP and Nav Nirman movements had remained dormant; what-if SS Ray had refused to prepare the note recommending declaring  Emergency; what-if Sanjay Gandhi had not implemented forcible sterilizations… Questions, questions, questions. But you get the point I am driving at. Our lives are shaped by choices: choices that we make and choices that others around us make.

On a purely personal plane: I was always enamored with English Literature. Wanted to study and then teach English as a career. When I chose Humanities everyone advised me my life would be ruined. I would live to regret the wrong choice I was making.  Then came a time when there was a choice to shift to studying Psychology and specializing in Organizational Psychology. After that my career aspiration became teaching Psychology. Soon life presented another choice: IIM Calcutta. Having cleared entrance exams with difficulty,  I chose to study Personnel Management & Industrial Relations(PMIR) in IIMC!! Again I faced ridicule and disbelief since my choice was not Systems or Marketing or Finance in the proverbial melting pot of IIMC. I chose PMIR as it would add value to my psycho background. Today my choices have made me: a service oriented professional, happy building other’s careers and coaching them to succeed. I am what my choices have made me.

My final take is destiny is not predetermined; it is a matter of choices we make. Think of Vivekanada restlessly asking to see God. Think of Gandhi emerging stronger from his fall in Peitermaritzburg. We shape and create our life, and our future, through our choices. Indira’s death was also shaped by her choices. Richard Bach put it beautifully: “we are free to choose a different future: or even a different past”.  Think about that.

Let me end with the philosopher of philosophers Aristotle: “Excellence is never an accident… it represents the wise choice of many alternatives – choice, not chance, determines your destiny.”

Robert Frost sang beautifully: Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
… long I stood;  And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth…

So friends make your choices wisely: and walk the road less travelled: vikas