घर थकलेले सन्यासी

Marathi poet and writer Manik Godghate, popularly known as Kavi Grace, died in 2012 after a prolonged battle with throat cancer. Known for his writings that portrayed sorrows in human life with a mystical element & an out-of-the-world imagery, Grace was conferred the Sahitya Akademi Award. Some poets go from light to darkness; some others from darkness to light. But Grace befriended darkness, shaking hands with melancholy, reveling in anguish & chose to remain on the dark side of the moon & created experiences through his poems.

“I am free” said Kavi Grace, “but I am not available”. Sorrow, Darkness, Eventide & Negativity were his constant imagery. Calling himself दुखाचा महाकवि…The Epic Poet of Sorrow, Grace left an indelible mark on Marathi literature. Earlier I have talked of his poem ती गेली तेव्हा (When She Left) in which he has talked of the pain of losing his mother quite early. Today I will tell you about घर थकलेले सन्यासी. As you go through the poem, you will realize it talks about each one of us, who are world weary, and still travelling!!

घर थकलेले सन्यासी, हळू हळू भिंतही खचते
आईच्या डोळयामधले नक्षत्र मला आठवते

“Exhausted travelers, locked at home/ Slowly the walls also close in/ I remember the bright constellation, in my mother’s eyes”. Grace had a lonely childhood, having lost his mother very early. With his father constantly travelling, the solitude sparked poetry within Grace. But loneliness & pain never left him. In my own case, I had the fortune of having both my parents living till I was 57 years of age. But the loss is still painful. The feeling of being boxed in, of the walls around me closing in threateningly, was the same. The memory of the bright spark in my mother’s eyes.. pure glint, the soul sparkle, kept me going.

ती नव्हती संध्या मधुरा, रखरखते ऊनच होते
ढग ओढून संध्येवाणी, आभाळ घसरले होते

“It was not a soft, sweet evening, it was a harsh, dry sun
Per chance with the clouds’ cover, it felt like the sky had fallen” Sorrow and pain do not necessarily make their move onto you in the dark. They are bold enough to attack in broad daylight, under the fierce sun.

Remember the lovely way WH Auden in “Musée des Beaux Arts” taught us,

“About suffering they were never wrong,
The Old Masters: how well they understood
Its human position; how it takes place…
How, when the aged are reverently, passionately waiting
For the miraculous birth, there always must be
Children who did not specially want it to happen, … how everything turns away
Quite leisurely from the disaster…” To Grace his pain is momentous. To me, my loss & my failures are large, impactful. But does it make a difference? Does the world care? With every pain & loss do I become stronger? more hard-headed & hard-hearted? capable of bearing more as life goes on? Or do I collapse under the sky, which has fallen on me?

The way Godghate chose the nom-de-plume of “Kavi Grace” is most interesting. he was impressed with the acting prowess of Ingrid Bergman in the movie The Inn of the Sixth Happiness. Ingrid played a tenacious British woman who becomes a missionary & runs an inn for travelling merchants.. To describe Ingrid, a line from the movie: “She is in grace” inspired him. He took his name Kavi Grace from there & dedicated his first book of poems Sandhyaakalchya Kavita to Ingrid Bergman.

पक्षांची घरटी होती, ते झाड तोडले कोणी
एकेक ओंजळी मागे, असतेच झर्‍याचे पाणी

“There were birds’ nests, yet someone cut down that tree
Behind each handful of water, the spring peeks” I have seen & experienced the sheer unfairness of life. What should remain untouched & protected is often the first one to fall under the axe. A confidante of many years suddenly decides to move on & cuts you off from his life. Having worked most diligently on a project one sees results go awry & crumble before your eyes. Life is quite unpredictable & the race is often not to the swiftest. We all know many people more diligent & sincere than us, but have not got their due. Partiality and Inequity goes on. 

And yet there is that fundamental faith. The continuity of the river. Pure is always pure. In each one of us & in our actions, there is the microcosm of the Universe. While the philosophical position, that the flowing river is never the same all the time is true, it is equally true that there are certain commonalities, behaviors, thoughts that bind it all together. That is how the spring peeks behind each handful of water. It is changed & yet it is the same. It is different & yet it endures. The eternal hope that the birds will move to another tree & set up their nest there, is always heartening!!. One broken tree is not the end of the forest, if you look at it positively.

मी भिऊन अंधाराला, अडगळीत लपुनी जाई
ये हलके हलके मागे, त्या दरीतली वनराई

“Scared of the dark I hide in the surrounding mess
Yet the greenery of the valley, followed me slowly”

Whenever we are faced with problems, to withdraw & hide is our natural instinct. Throughout my life, I learnt to make this into a fine art. Never confront. Never go & resolve. Get into analysis paralysis mode. Prevaricate. That part of Arjuna’s dilemma is second nature to all of us. Why fight? all in front are my brethren & relatives. Why take the battle into their yard? Intellectualize. And do nothing!! One can always find reasons not to act. This way I continue to be in my cocoon, my comfort zone. Not accepting struggle is second nature to us now. We forget that ALL GROWTH requires us to get out of our comfort zone. Miracles happen only outside the comfort zone. I know this but I am scared. There is the fear of the unknown. मी भिऊन अंधाराला, अडगळीत लपुनी जाई!!

But life has its own rhythm. ये हलके हलके मागे, त्या दरीतली वनराई. Sadhguru puts it beautifully. In Mediocrity there is Comfort but no Growth. In Growth there is no Comfort, but there is Joy. You have to choose. Life is demanding. And it will prod you to take heart, all over again, however tired you are. Just like our King Robert the Bruce & the Spider taught us in our childhood…try, try again!!

King Bruce, after having been defeated at battle took refuge in a cave. During this battle, three of his four brothers were executed by the English, his sister was captured!! Still. taking inspiration from a mere spider, King Bruce came back and won the Battle of Bannockburn , even though his men were outnumbered ten to one. However much you hide, the greenery of the valley follows you slowly yet surely. So like Arjuna, Take your weapons and fight!!

Let me end with another tour-de-force from Kavi Grace:

मी महाकवी दुःखाचा, प्राचीन नदी परी खोल / दगडाचे माझ्या हाती, वेगाने होते फूल ( I am the epic poet of sorrow, As deep as the old river/ A Stone in my hand, rapidly becomes a flower)

So Keep the Faith, and Fight on: vikas

PS : enjoy Hridaynath Mangeshkar’s rendition of this poem at https://youtu.be/XPvYswSrGmY?si=nkGMgDp7EICJpUnK