Showing care and concern, consideration for others is fast becoming a dying skill. Today it is all about I, me and myself. Who has the time to focus on others? to abnegate oneself? and put others before self ?? what are you talking about, bro? which world are you from? Have you lost it? If I show consideration, I will be seen as weak!! People will take advantage of me. I will be left behind. Others will move ahead of me. And worst thing is….I will be seen as a wimp, someone who does not have the “balls” to get ahead in the competitive world. Goal achievement today is seen as a zero sum game! For me to win, you must lose!! I must ride roughshod over your agenda, if I have to achieve mine.
Sounds familiar? Are we all not facing this day in day out? Either as aggressors ourselves, as we pursue our own dreams to the exclusion of others! Or as sufferers who see others play out this, and we remain at the receiving end!!
So is this a right time to blog on “consideration”? Vehemently, I say yes!! this is an important skill which we all need to imbibe and hone, if we want to collaborate and succeed in today’s dog eat dog world. Let us understand this more.
Lexically, consideration is defined as: careful thought, typically over a period of time. A para-legal meaning of consideration is a payment or reward: discussed threadbare in the Contracts Act; as a contract cannot be binding unless consideration has changed hands. And the consideration, I want to talk to you about is possibly a combination of both of these meanings:- after deliberate thought, you go out of the way and show care and concern, affection and empathy: genuine consideration for the other person’s point of view. This can be oil that lubricates the societal machine to go around, easier.
Think about the times when you are standing in a queue, at a bank or a ticket or an enquiry counter. As you await your turn, suddenly someone comes officiously and goes to the head of the queue; and demands immediate attention. Obviously s/he is showing no consideration to the others in the queue. What do you do in this situation? Do you assertively go forward, tap him/her on the shoulder and say, ” Excuse me we are all standing in a queue here!”. Or do you, like most would do, curse the boorish fellow who jumps the queue; but reconcile that it would take just a minute more and so remain quiet, and await your turn? If you allow the intruder to get away with his jumping the queue, are you being considerate? I think, no: as consideration makes both parties happy.
Now a days, I am impressed with the host, who along with the dinner invite sends you a Google map location pin of the address of his home or the venue you are to meet. Just shows his considerate nature, and desire to go that extra mile, to make your reaching the venue easier. Consideration is the host calling you up and asking your brand of beer or the liquor you prefer. Consideration is the hostess checking whether you eat fish, or shellfish, or what meat you prefer. All this signals that you are an important and valued guest; and your comfort is paramount to the hosts. Consideration for others requires you to put yourself into the other person’s shoes, think from his perspective and act keeping his comfort & convenience topmost. Consideration stems from the belief that that caring and concern make the social wheels move smoother. We are bound together a la Siamese twins, and so your comfort and happiness rebounds, and makes me happy and comfortable. Consideration is the hyphen in win-win relationships!!
In social dos, one sacrosanct rule I follow is : never get dragged into discussions around religion and politics. Not that these subjects are not fundamental to human existence and the social fabric. They indeed are. But both religion and politics draw strong lines. You are either with us, or you are against us. Both release such strong opinions, that there is a very thin line between discussion and hard stands. Quickly, the seemingly intellectual discussions end with daggers drawn, both verbal and virtual. ” How can you be stupid that you cannot see my point of view?” “This is so obvious that even a child can see the logic of my argument” is the approach… from both sides of the table!!!! As Samuel Smiles puts it so well above dogmatism grows to “puppyism” & both sides are barking on two sides of the tree, firmly entrenched in their opinions and trying to win the argument with the power of arrogance. What suffers in this heated exchange is consideration! Modi baiters and Modi supporters can never agree. And Rahul Gandhi opponents will never understand how he can get elected, even in a Wayanad, with 12 lakh 76 thousand votes, in the most educated state of India!!
Consideration of the other is politely accepting that however close I am to my side of the arguments, facts, opinions…..they are after all only one side of the coin. There is an equal and countervailing “other side” of the coin which I must acknowledge and handle, even if I do not accept. Multiple indeed are the ways to reach Allah!!!!
The best advice to live and love in a multifaceted, plural world was given by that venerable philosopher Plato long, long ago. It is good to remind ourselves of what he said….“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle”. We need sensitivity to appreciate the pressures & compulsions of others and what they are going through. Only thing which can truly help is “consideration”. Consideration for others will smoothen social intercourse. Difficulties which come in between will get easily resolved, if there is a bond of mutual consideration.
We all have experienced heartburn and the harsh grinding and gnashing of teeth. Often we feel wronged, misunderstood, under appreciated and pressured. Sadly we seek solutions outside of ourselves, while actually the answer lies within. The ancient Greek dramatist, Menander of Athens tells us : “There is but one genuine love potion – Consideration”. This secret key can open all doors, to all the hearts, in the world. That is why Henry Link tells us that “….with consideration, the effects on us and on society as a whole would be amazing”.
Oftentimes we appropriate the role of being the General Manager of the world!! We think we know best & it is up to us to correct the world, and pilot it to the “right” path. This is where genuine and true consideration of others could set us into a different orbit. To quote Michal Rovner, ” I carry some kind of consideration and weight and observations about what is going on in the world, but I don’t go to execute it”. This holding back, this letting go, this acceptance of a contrarian view is real consideration!! Unfortunately, the truth is, I never take into consideration the consequences of my actions until it is too late. It would do good for us to remember the golden words of Kevin Anderson, ” A moment of consideration often prevents a thousand apologies”. More positively stated, remember that within the hearts of men, mutual love and consideration are valued greater than success.
So… Consideration or No Consideration, the choice is yours!! Mae West said it very well: “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
*जरूरी नही 💫हर गिफ्ट कोई वस्तु ही हो,*
*प्यार, परवाह, ✨रिस्पेक्ट भी बहुत अच्छे गिफ्ट हैं।*
*कभी किसी को देकर तो देखे.*🌟: vikas
5 Replies to “Con.sid.er.a.tion (noun)”
Articulate thoughts, nicely presented. Kudos.
I think showing respect to others through “consideration”, depends on one’s upbringing. We need to teach our children and so in schools as well to understand and respect feelings of others. I remember having scolded my son when he didn’t say “Thank you” on buying something from a shop.
It is a coincidence that just a couple of days ago, he remembered it and was happy that I scolded him at right age.
“So what?” attitude is also seen in many like “When I buy something and pay its price, why should I say Thank you” was an argument put forth recently by our young relative. “Why do I need to see that he is pleased with my gesture?” was another shock.
Anyway, I am forwarding your post to my son. He will like it, I am sure.
A small correction…..Rahul Gandhi polled slightly over 7 Lac votes in Wayanad and not over 12 Lac, if I am correct.
Overall, your Blog is always interesting to read and I read it leisurely.
VS: you have chosen a topic which is very close to my heart..though i have never even attempted to talk about it ! i compliment you for highlighting the importance of “consideration” in the selfish world we live in.
the sense of consideration starts with a simple “thank you” even for small gestures..( i am currently in London for a few days ..at my son’s place ..and i see this expression flying all around..and in a genuine way.!.). Just yesterday ,when my son allowed another vehicle a side , and the driver (who looked Asian ..most probably Indian)..did not have a courtesy to wave back ..my son immediately commented about the lack of manners in Indians..as against the locals over here). On many occasions ..like some one jumping a queues… one feels that the problem of ‘lack of consideration’ is more with us in India ..despite we calling ourselves very ‘religious’!!
our problem is that we have no respect for the other individual in front of us. A basic respect for an individual is a pre requisite for showing consideration. You would have seen almost everywhere abroad , how a speeding car will come to a halt to allow a pedestrian to cross over..a consideration ..which we can never think of on any road in Mumbai!
being punctual in reaching a meeting venue is another way of showing consideration to others’ time …examples abound…
and that is what makes your blog very topical and relevant !
in all these situations the basic point which we need to keep reminding ourselves is: ” am i treating others how i would like to be treated?”
road behaviour, driver courtesy, meeting punctuality, seemingly small gestures but make the social fabric
even strangers are far more courteous and considerate abroad and go out of the way to make you feel comfortable
here we are truly dichotomous, if you are friend, family or colleague I will show consideration
but I draw a tight circle and all outside the circle, somehow do not “deserve” my consideration
I have never understood that
Literally I see such schizophrenic behaviour, that you wonder is this really the person I know, or is this a stranger?
while inconsiderate behaviour makes people asunder
wonder when we will overcome our small egos and embrace the world as one
An interesting subject presented with unique perspectives.
On the societal level “Vaishnav janato tene re kahiye je peed parvayi jaane re …” penned by Narsinh Mehta probably defines the intent & process of “consideration”.
While on a transactional level “Consideration is the hyphen in win-win relationships” sums it up….
Kudos for yet another VS Blog ..Keep blogging…
any thanks for your kind words
Vaishnav jana is an amazingly penned song and has always inspired me
and people like you who are so full of praise, help me keep blogging
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